are these weirding you out? do you not want to be thinking about fish while you're eating a donut? i just wanted there to be a pescetarian alternative to those cute-as-a-button burger cakes. and another reason to make donuts. because at some point when i was making 12,000 donuts for adult summer camp and watching bojack horseman the whole time, i trained myself to only be able to watch bojack while making donuts, and to *crave* making donuts whenever i watch bojack. it's a vicious cycle but a really relaxing one because no matter how much i feel like i'm losing my marbles in the thick of book stuff and preparing to leave for my tour, it's nice to know that i'll always have my shit together more than bojack. never mind that he's half horse, half man, and completely fictional, just please go with me.

there are three days until i leave for my tour! and in that time i have to: purchase more pairs of jeggings, get my blonde hairs touched up, think about what i am going to say at tuesday's conference panel, remember to pack my bike helmet so that i can use citi bike in ny, and maybe wax my eyebrows. because i do that now. i also have to do some mega tidying up because right before i leave, all of my grand forks and fargo home slices who were in the book are coming over for a night of pizza and tattoos. (btw, did you enter to get some tattoos yet??)

this is a nice squishy baked vanilla donut that's been dipped in a sweet everything bagel topping--basically sub out the garlic and onion for turbinado or thick decorating sugar--and lightly toasted like a bagel. (i was talking about cake toast with steph the other day, how it should be a common thing, don't you think??) then it gets smeared with cream cheese. you can use cream cheese frosting if you'd like, but i think that between the donuts and marzipan, there's enough sweetness to go around. and the toppings are all made out of marzipan: red tomato slices, green lettuce leaves, green capers, purple onions, and salmony salmon which will get the streaks in it if you don't knead the food coloring in completely. the whole thing is fit for a sunday bagel brunch of your sweet tooth dreams!

bagel and lox donuts

makes 12

ingredients

1 3⁄4 c flour

1 c sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1⁄2 tsp baking soda

3⁄4 tsp kosher salt

1 large egg

1⁄2 c buttermilk

1⁄4 c flavorless oil

1 tsp vanilla extract

1⁄4 c water

toppings:

marzipan kneaded with food coloring for lox, tomatoes, lettuce, capers, onions

poppy seeds, sesame seeds, a pinch of kosher salt, and turbinado or beige decorating sugar

for serving:

2 tb canola oil

cream cheese or cream cheese frosting

clues

preheat oven to 375ºf. grease two donut pans and set aside.

in a large bowl, combine dry ingredients and whisk to combine. in a separate bowl, combine wet ingredients. add to dry ingredients and mix until batter is smooth.

add batter to donut pan and bake donuts for twelve minutes, until edges begin to turn golden brown. remove from oven and let cool.

shape marzipan. cut into circles for tomatoes, smash into oblong shapes for salmon and lettuce, roll into little balls for capers. to make the onions, just brush a bit of food coloring on the edges.

in a small bowl, combine poppy seeds, sesame seeds, a pinch of kosher salt, and sugar. dip cooled donuts in toppings and press down slightly so the topping stick.

when ready to serve, slice donuts in half, and fry each one in the canola oil so that they look toasted. spread with cream cheese or frosting and top with marzipan shapes. enjoy!

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-yeh!

p.s. have you entered the two molly on the range giveaways that are going on right now? preorder the book and then head over here for sesame cardamom sprinkles and here for tattoos!