gummy bear sangria

reasons to celebrate right this very moment:

1. gummy bears exist

2. so does this carrot twitter feed

3. harvest started yesterday

4. it's been sweater weather here all week!

5. school has begun??

6. the two year anniversary of my first date (this date) with eggboy is tomorrow

7. i bought a can of pumpkin and did not feel premature about it

8. there are oodles of apples growing in our backyard

9. benedict cumberbatch won an emmy

so let's make drunky bears and put them in sangria because we all know that gummy bears + fruit > only fruit. ok?

you can take a lot of liberties with this. feel free to soak your bears in any kind of booze you want. here is a handy drunken gummy bear guide. if you prefer another fruit to apples, go right ahead. i like juicing some fruit and using the juice in addition to the cut up fruit, for more flavor. red wine is fine to use, although it might be difficult to see your little bears with that. i like using wine that's not too sweet, since there's already a lot of sugar involved with the fruit, fruit juice, and gummy bears. oh, and the wooden skewers topped with gummy bears do double duty: they're cute, and they help to fish the fruit and bears out of the bottom of the cup.


gummy bear sangria

ingredients

1 1/2 c gummy bears

about 1 1/2 c vodka

1 bottle white wine

1 c apple juice

1/2 c to 1 c fizzy water

2 large apples, sliced

1 lime, sliced, plus more for garnish

 

clues

place your gummy bears in a jar or container, reserving a few to stick on top of some wooden skewers for serving. pour enough vodka in to cover your bears, cover the container, and let them soak at room temperature for eight hours, or overnight. 

(...you'll then have gummy bear infused vodka and vodka infused gummy bears and you might wonder if that's inception or osmosis or both or neither (?))

strain the gummy bears, reserving the vodka for another use. you may even want to add some of that vodka to your sangria to make it extra extra boozy. 

in a large pitcher, punch bowl, or hipster jar (sorry, i didn't have anything else...), combine your drunky bears, wine, apple juice, 1/2 cup fizzy water, apples, and limes, and stir. taste and add more fizzy water, if desired. chill and/or add ice for serving. serve with lime slices and wooden skewers topped with gummy bears. cheers!!!!

 

-yeh!

millionaire's chex bars

i sincerely hope you are looking at my breakfast. i can't find a single chex bar in this house, but i am out of oats and pretty sure i've clogged my aorta with chunky peanut butter, and the thought of these bars are all i have left. molly's been gone, what, five days, and things are dire here. ba(t)ching has become less about kicking back with a cucumber, and more about shaking out the almond jar to see if one got caught in a seam. i've seen barney lose his bullet 50 times since sunday and if i have to eat popcorn again for supper tonight, i just, holy smoke, the deep freeze!!!

pistachio bakewell pop-tarts

every day, i wake up, boil water for my oatmeal, grab the oats jar from the shelf, pour the oats in the water, and find myself well with the world. but last week molly decided that she needed to buy the massive, only-buy-if-you-own-a-bakery container of sprinkles, and then didn't have anywhere to put them except inside of my oats jar. so, i reached for my oats the next morning and came frighteningly close to melting $50 worth of naturally dyed sugar pellets. this is all coming back to me as i look at those sprinkles on today's pop-tarts. 

i used to love pop-tarts. during every track meet in high school, i would eat a brown sugar cinnamon frosted two-pack to get jacked up for the triple jump. i moved on to other things, though, cuz nobody's ever wanted to be pop-tart boy.

...until these guys popped out of the oven. take it from someone who has only eaten oats and peanut butter for the past 36 hours: these are the real deal. you know when you try to reinvent a favorite childhood food, but with better ingredients and an advanced culinary insight? you think you want somebody to say "holy cow, these are better than dunkaroos!" but what you are actually, secretly, deeply hoping, is that somebody will say "these taste JUST LIKE DUNKAROOS!" and because nothing can compete with childhood nostalgia, if you can bake something that "tastes JUST LIKE DUNKAROOS" today, well, my friend, you have made it.

ba(t)ching update: i was watching the episode where aunt bee leaves andy and opie alone for a few days, and i wished i could relate to their father-son antics, but unfortunately i don't have a mini ron howard around to yell "pa! the chicken's burning!"

-eggboy

pistachio bakewell pop-tarts

makes 8-10

ingredients

1 stick butter, softened

1/4 c sugar

1/4 c pistachio paste

2 large eggs

1 tsp lemon juice

1/4 tsp almond extract

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 c flour

1 lb pie dough

1/4 c jam

1 1/2 c powdered

about 2 tb milk

crushed toasted pistachios and sprinkles

clues

preheat oven to 400. line a baking sheet with parchment and set it aside.

in a large bowl or bowl of a stand mixer, beat together the butter, sugar, and pistachio paste. add 1 egg (reserving the other for an egg wash), followed by the lemon juice and extracts.

mix in the salt and flour until just combined.

cut out 8 2-inch by 3-inch squares of pie dough and place them on your baking sheet. spread each with about a teaspoon of jam and top with a healthy blob of pistachio batter. you could also spoon the batter into a piping bag and pipe it on. 

from the remaining pie dough, cut out rectangles that are about 1/4-inch longer on all sides, so that they fit over the filling.

whip up the remaining egg with a splash of water and brush the edges of the tarts. place a layer of pie dough over the top and crimp the edges with a fork. seal the edges well!

poke the tops with a fork a few times and bake for 10-15 minutes, until slightly browned.

let cool.

whisk together the powdered sugar and milk, adding more or less milk to achieve your desired consistency. spread this on the tarts and top with crushed nuts and sprinkles.

enjoy!