can i be honest wichu for just five moments? new year's eve is not for me. nicht für me. i love a good rosh hashanah. i cannot wait for what i think will be the year of the snake. but it is the ringing in of the new gregorian calendar year, and its accompanying rituals, that i just cannot do well.

one time i made a reservation with jaclyn and two boys at a french restaurant and it was a splendid evening.

another time i wore new shoes to a party in harlem and drunkenly ate an entire can of spray can cheese and likely went home well before midnight.

the rest of the times, i have happily rung in the new year from my couch either a) sleeping, or b) laughing at all the people in times square who are cold and have to pee in water bottles.

some years i trick myself into thinking i should be stressed out about reserving a table or planning a party but then i realize i'm not alone and accept that i, too, am a very old old woman.

so why have i dusted some rustic looking pocky sticks with gold specs à la a new year's eve decoration? to add festivity to my lunch. and also to give the new year's eve party planner of the century just one more idea.

but can i be honest with you just one more time?

these take fucking forever to make and they're not worth it in the least!

ok, they're good. they taste good. they're crispy, they taste like the real thing. they have less unpronounceable ingredients than the real thing. but omg you do not want to sit around rolling 60 little sticks out of dough, especially when you have hair to tease and makeup to do. no.

i'm going to give you the recipe anyway in the off chance that you have an entire day to kill and need meditation in your life.

chocolate chili pocky sticks

makes about 60 (that's 60 sticks you gotta roll out!)

based on pichet ong's recipe, which i found here.

ingredients

1 c flour, plus more for dusting

2 tb sugar

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 stick unsalted butter, softened

1/4 c condensed milk

2 tb water

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 egg white beaten with a splash of water

4.5 oz dark chocolate*

jimmies, for garnish

*i like taza's chili chocolate, but you can also use regular dark chocolate and then mix in ground crushed chili flakes to taste (start at 1/2 tsp). also, while the original recipe calls for 4.5 oz, i ended up using a little bit more, so it might be a good idea to have extra on hand.

clues

in a large bowl, or a bowl of a stand mixer, mix together dry ingredients. add butter and beat with an electric mixer until you have a mealy texture. in a separate small bowl, mix together the condensed milk, water, and vanilla. add it to the dry ingredients and mix until it forms a dough. pat it out into a 1-inch thick disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

preheat oven to 300.

pinch off a piece of dough and, on a floured surface, roll it out into a skinny snake that is 5 inches long. place on a baking sheet lined with parchment.

repeat five thousand million more times until the dough is used up. place the baking sheet in the fridge for 10. brush the sticks with egg white and then bake for 18-25 minutes, until slightly browned.

let cool. melt chocolate, let it cool just slightly so that it's not too runny, and then dip away. sprinkle with jimmies and then let them harden in the fridge or freezer.

as snazzy as my clothespin drying apparatus looks (thank you, thank you, i thought of it all myself), it stopped being my bff when i realized it wouldn't fit in the freezer. so you should prolly just lay them flat on parchment.

enjoy with champagne and a new year's resolution!

-yeh!