UBE CHEWS

i have a new second favorite time of day and that's the moment directly preceding a night's sleep. (obviously the first is morning time when eggboy and i sing and dance, make eggs, chug coffee, etc.) this new second favorite moment comes after i've flossed, put on a mountain of lip balm, and removed myself from the day's work via a large buffer of pinterest .

it's when all that's left is a lullaby of thoughts, coaxing me to slumber. 

the lovely lovely genre of bedtime thoughts: it doesn't judge you--it encourages you--if all you want to do is dream up the fluffiest goat you ever did think. the chocolatiest cake you ever could eat. it doesn't allow much room for negative nancies, because that's called a thought that keeps you up, not one that puts you to sleep. and you have few distractions because, with the correct blackout shades, it can feel as if everyone else in the world is safe and sound and doing the same. 

and so i've really enjoyed this sweet little moment, and it has recently brought in so many happy ideas, many of them fueled by plans for my future chickens, and many of them inspired by my asian grocery finds from last week's trip to chicago. a two pound bag of sesame seeds, matcha green tea powder, and two gems that i about fainted when i found: ube and pandan extracts. oh you bet i lie at night thinking up the possibilities.

ube was introduced to me a few years ago by way of taro soft serve at the sadly now closed phileo yogurt in the west village. ube and taro aren't the same, but in my brain they kind of are because they're both purple root vegetables and they have a very similar flavor. the flavor reminds me of cookies and cream and i looooove it. 

normally when i have ube, it is in the form of ice cream or a popsicle. but because licorice just felt more... i don't know, appropriate for the north pole in january, i made licorice. i made a few substitutions to this red licorice recipe and the buttery flavor said to me i am a caramel. whatevs. caramel, licorice, they both keep the dentist in business. 

ube chews

based on this recipe

makes about 24 long twists. or a lotttt of little nubbins (that's what i did).

ingredients

1/2 c flour*

1/4 tsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp ube extract (available here)

purple gel food coloring, optional

1 stick unsalted butter

1 c white sugar

1/2 c light corn syrup

1/2 c sweetened condensed milk

1/4 c honey

*the recipe that this is based on uses gluten free flour with 1/4 tsp xanthan gum. i didn't test this, but i bet they would come out just as well!

clues

grease or butter a 9-inch square baking dish and set it aside. mix together the flour and salt and set it aside. have your extract, measuring spoon, and food coloring readily available.

in a large pot fitted with a candy thermometer, heat the butter, sugar, corn syrup, condensed milk, and honey over medium high heat. as the butter melts, slowly stir to combine. once it's melted and everything is mixed together, do not stir. when it starts to bubble, reduce heat to medium.

heat the mixture to 240ºf, remove from heat, and immediately stir in the flour mixture and then the flavoring and food coloring. pour into your prepared pan. 

chill for 30 minutes in the fridge and then use kitchen sheers to cut into your desired shape. allow to cool at room temperature. enjoy!

-yeh!

SASKATOON MACAROONS

one thing about being in a relationship with a farmer slash songwriter who lives for making things rhyme is that if you successfully smuggle saskatoon jam out of canada and then have a desire to make a pavlova with it, you will not be making a pavlova with it. 

you will obviously be making saskatoon macaroon. macaroons. (can we just pretend that it's singular so that it is a perfect rhyme? i'm imagining one big fat hedgehog-sized macaroon right now, you should too.) 

other than some stress that accrued during my search for the perfect pavlova recipe, i really cannot complain about the task of making macaroons. they're one of my favorite things to make and i've been making a lot of them recently with the help of danny macaroons' the macaroon bible.

unless coconut offends you, there is truly no reason not to have a bag of coconut and a can of condensed milk on hand in case you need to quick whip up a batch of thank-you-for-making-me-steak macaroons or i-hope-your-nose-job-heals-soon macaroons. the ingredients for these macaroons have a long shelf life, the recipe doesn't require refrigeration or anything labor intensive, and they taste soooooooooo good. with a sturdy manly shell and a chewy satisfying center, you'll feel silly for ever buying the canned ones.

danny macaroons' basic recipe is so easy that i memorized it after one time of making it, and from there i graduated to his red velvet macaroons and chocolate ganache ones. they can be dressed up or dressed down with booze, bacon, nuts, or any flavorings you please. i dare you to come up with another perfect rhyming one. 

oh but wtf are saskatoons? they are like little blueberries that grow in manitoba, and when i eat this jam, i get a hint of apple. others taste almond. saskatoons also go by the name juneberry and they're quite difficult to farm, says eggcousin elaine. i just love the name saskatoon... it is pleasing to say.

so here are some logical next steps:

1. click through this slideshow on jew and the carrot where danny demonstrates how to make his delightful macaroons.

2. go to the store and stock up on condensed milk and coconut (which will set you back all of about six dollars).

3. buy saskatoon jam (online might be easiest) or blueberry jam or any other jam if you just don't have that kind of patience.

4. fend off the januaries and make these...

saskatoon macaroons

based on danny macaroons' recipe from the macaroon bible

makes 24-30 macaroons

ingredients

one 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk

1 tsp vanilla extract

one 14-oz bag sweetened shredded coconut

2 large egg whites

1/4 tsp kosher salt

about 3/4 c saskatoon jam

clues

preheat oven to 350ºf. line a baking sheet with parchment, set it aside.

in a large bowl, combine 1 cup of the condensed milk (i find that 1 cup = the amount that i can easily pour from the can without scraping it. you will have a little bit leftover... which you should pour on some clean snow to eat) and vanilla. mix in the coconut and set aside.

in a separate bowl, beat the egg whites and salt until stiff peaks form. 

fold the egg mixture into the coconut mixture and then spoon balls of it onto the baking sheet. danny recommends 1 1/2 inch balls, which is good for crowds, but if i'm just baking for a few people, i'll make bigass plum-sized macaroons.

bake them for 20-25 minutes (more if they're larger), until they become golden brown. let cool and then spoon about a teaspoon of jam onto the tops. 

-yeh!

a resolution cake

in 2014, i resolve to...

1. spend more time with cake.

2. shower more often than i did in 2013.

3. go less insane when people call frosting "icing," say "melk" in stead of milk, and pronounce caramel "carmle."

4. brush my hair at least twice a week.

5. eat more macaroni and cheese at midnight.

6. not leave one square of toilet paper on the roll and then blame eggboy for not changing the roll.

7. eat all the vegetables before they spoil.

8. be a good chicken mama.

9. read the chicken mama books before ordering chickens.

10. splurge on stone ground chocolate, mrs. meyer's lavender hand soap, and the good bacon.

11. not splurge on dumb things that are trendy and dumb and also stupid. 

12. go to the library.

13. check my instagram less when i'm around other humans.

14. read the chocolate chip cookie thing in its entirety and memorize it. read more things like it and improve my kitchen skillz.

15. invite friends over for high tea, midnight supper, and elevenses.

16. go to montana.

17. eat more collard greens.

18. expand my egg repertoire and make more exciting breakfasts for eggboy.

happy 2014, everyone!!!!

-yeh!

........but, molly, we were told there'd be cake?

oh yeah! oh yeah! check out this cake i made:

it is a chocolate graham cake with chocolate cream cheese frosting and marzipan balls.

i made it by subbing half of the flour for graham flour in my favorite chocolate cake recipe and then the frosting, well, i just mixed up a bunch of softened butter and cream cheese and then added a crap ton of powdered sugar, some cocoa powder, a splash of vanilla, and a few pinches of salt. for the marzipan balls, i just kneaded in some food coloring and rolled a few in gold jimmies. then i dusted the cake board in cocoa powder to give it a little sumthin sumthin. 

i donated it to the extended egg family white elephant gift exchange, where grandma egg won it and shared it with everyone, so we all won! yay!

CHOCOLATE CHILI POCKY STICKS

can i be honest wichu for just five moments? new year's eve is not for me. nicht für me. i love a good rosh hashanah. i cannot wait for what i think will be the year of the snake. but it is the ringing in of the new gregorian calendar year, and its accompanying rituals, that i just cannot do well. 

one time i made a reservation with jaclyn and two boys at a french restaurant and it was a splendid evening. 

another time i wore new shoes to a party in harlem and drunkenly ate an entire can of spray can cheese and likely went home well before midnight. 

the rest of the times, i have happily rung in the new year from my couch either a) sleeping, or b) laughing at all the people in times square who are cold and have to pee in water bottles.

some years i trick myself into thinking i should be stressed out about reserving a table or planning a party but then i realize i'm not alone and accept that i, too, am a very old old woman.

so why have i dusted some rustic looking pocky sticks with gold specs à la a new year's eve decoration? to add festivity to my lunch. and also to give the new year's eve party planner of the century just one more idea.

but can i be honest with you just one more time? 

these take fucking forever to make and they're not worth it in the least!

ok, they're good. they taste good. they're crispy, they taste like the real thing. they have less unpronounceable ingredients than the real thing. but omg you do not want to sit around rolling 60 little sticks out of dough, especially when you have hair to tease and makeup to do. no.

i'm going to give you the recipe anyway in the off chance that you have an entire day to kill and need meditation in your life. 

chocolate chili pocky sticks

makes about 60 (that's 60 sticks you gotta roll out!)

based on pichet ong's recipe, which i found here.

ingredients

1 c flour, plus more for dusting

2 tb sugar

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 stick unsalted butter, softened

1/4 c condensed milk

2 tb water

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 egg white beaten with a splash of water

4.5 oz dark chocolate*

jimmies, for garnish

*i like taza's chili chocolate, but you can also use regular dark chocolate and then mix in ground crushed chili flakes to taste (start at 1/2 tsp). also, while the original recipe calls for 4.5 oz, i ended up using a little bit more, so it might be a good idea to have extra on hand.

clues

in a large bowl, or a bowl of a stand mixer, mix together dry ingredients. add butter and beat with an electric mixer until you have a mealy texture. in a separate small bowl, mix together the condensed milk, water, and vanilla. add it to the dry ingredients and mix until it forms a dough. pat it out into a 1-inch thick disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

preheat oven to 300.

pinch off a piece of dough and, on a floured surface, roll it out into a skinny snake that is 5 inches long. place on a baking sheet lined with parchment.

repeat five thousand million more times until the dough is used up. place the baking sheet in the fridge for 10. brush the sticks with egg white and then bake for 18-25 minutes, until slightly browned.

let cool. melt chocolate, let it cool just slightly so that it's not too runny, and then dip away. sprinkle with jimmies and then let them harden in the fridge or freezer.

as snazzy as my clothespin drying apparatus looks (thank you, thank you, i thought of it all myself), it stopped being my bff when i realized it wouldn't fit in the freezer. so you should prolly just lay them flat on parchment.

enjoy with champagne and a new year's resolution!

-yeh!