fighting off the #januaries

no amounts of coffee can cure the #januaries.
no amounts of mustard can cure the #januaries.
no amounts of botched hole-in-the-middles can cure the #januaries.
even mia, at 6 years old, fears the #januaries.

if we examine why january sucks so much, it shouldn't be that difficult {in theory} to combat this mega-awful month that is worse than all of the mondays in the world combined. it's simple: we just need some really awesome made-up holidays. if your birthday is in january, you don't count, go away, everyone is jealous. but for the other approximately eleven twelfths of us, here are some ideas to combat the #januaries:

national at least i meant to shower day
national eat overcooked ramen and dunkaroos in your bathtub day
national pick your nose but not in public because that's still gross day
national buy the prettiest smelling lotion day, actually this should come before national at least i meant to shower day so you have a cover up, you know?
national entenmann's and nacho cheese and what is a vegetable day
national look at this website day:
national write a letter to someone you idolized in fifth grade day
national watch all of the heath ledger movies day

ok i've expended too much energy just thinking of these and am ready to go back to bed. until february.