well, hanukkah came and went, didn't it? like, i barely even had time to put my non-existent halloween costume away. but it doesn't matter that this list is coming late because it's pretty much fictional. my real chrismukkuh list includes things like computer software, lighting devices... we don't need to get into it. so here's just my list of fun cool things that would take a time machine or an alternate universe or just a faster metabolism to make happen:

empire mayo: imagine the kind of pimpy b.l.t. i could make with orange clove mayo or the white truffle mayo. the rolls-royce with phat rims b.l.t., that's what.

a chicken coop: you'd think we'd have figured it out by now, with the amount of dozens of eggs that this apartment goes through on a daily basis. but just think how much easier life would be with little eunice, errol, and ewan laying their little hearts out in a mustard colored coop up on the roof.
a rooftop amphitheater.

an easy bake oven: or rather, an entire wall of my apartment lined with them so that melissa and i can open the easy bake bake shop.

a summery boozy brunch at longman + eagle, in chicago: complete with a stoop, a mr. stoop, and a pbr with my scrambled eggs.

for the 96th street taco truck to materialize in south brooklyn.

for hot dogs and marzipan and all things fried cheese to be at the bottom of the food pyramid.

-yeh!