at the bakery where i work, it was recently decided that if we were to make a reality show with a different segment for each employee, mine would be snippets of me prancing around, putting sprinkles on everything. that would be the entire segment. i'd sprinkle cakes, cupcakes, hamburgers, puppies, humans. everything. hopefully mandy moore would do the soundtrack.

as i've been vaguely live-tweeting, these past few days have been extremely sprinkle-centric. i shopped for them all around town, i made some from scratch (thanks to michelle's recipe!), i researched funfetti®, i conducted sprinkle experiments, ate my sprinkle experiments, and then ultimately ordered 2.9 pounds of naturally colored sprinkles from amazon.

so what does this mean? it means that whether the town bakery reality show happens or not, i'll be here listening to mandy moore and sprinkling sprinkles on everything that crosses my path. consider yourselves warned.

(side note: did you know that when you order 2.9 pounds of sprinkles on amazon, they give you the option to have 2.9 pounds of sprinkles delivered on a "subscription" basis at a discounted rate? it makes me want to open my own bakery just so i can do that.)

speaking of funfetti®, let me tell you something that i learned about funfetti®-inspired cakes from my friend marian by way of a momofuku birthday cake class, and later confirmed on the momofuku website during my extensive research: it tastes best with clear imitation vanilla. not the all-natural stuff that your mother and your conscience taught you to buy. clear imitation vanilla is the flavor that shouts nostalgia or, "birthday cake from your seventh birthday party at the discovery zone." it's the flavor that happens when you buy a birthday cake flavored lip gloss and you spend the day wondering what on earth is the difference between this and the plain jane vanilla lip gloss?

clear imitation vanilla is the difference.

it's my new favorite ingredient.

(and i have a garden bursting with thousands of squash blossoms, so that should tell you something.)

i am currently working on a big delightful sprinkle cake that's coming soon to a food52 near you, but for now, to kick off all the sprinkle crap that's going to happen once my sprinkle shipment arrives, i'm giving you biscotti. biscotti that's fit for the unicorniest of tea parties! so go, get your sprinkle on.

sprinkle biscotti

based on my marzipan mandel (patinkin) bread, which was inspired by the shiksa's

makes 18 large pieces

ingredients

3 1/2 c flour

1 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp kosher salt

1 c vegetable oil

1 c sugar

3 large eggs

1 tb clear imitation vanilla (i use mccormick)

1/2 c rainbow sprinkles, store-bought or homemade

a few pinches of sea salt and sanding sugar (or regular sugar) for sprinkling

clues

preheat oven to 350.

in a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt, and set aside.

in a large bowl, whisk together oil and sugar. whisk in the eggs, one at a time, and then the vanilla.

whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, and then fold in the sprinkles.

line a baking sheet with parchment, divide dough into two equal parts, and then form long rectangles, about 4 inches wide. leave a few good inches in between the rectangles because they will spread in the oven. sprinkle the tops with a few pinches of sea salt and sanding sugar (or regular sugar) and then bake for 25 minutes.

remove from the oven and reduce heat to 250. use a serrated knife to cut the rectangles into 1-inch pieces and place them on their sides. bake at 250 for 20 more minutes, or until desired crispiness.

-yeh!