restaurants

week 13: doughnut plant


it is 6:30 in the AM.
the sun begins to rise.
our* location: the lower east side

*high school friend stefani, bass player friend kris, kris' friend from alaska/john luther adams, and me

and whoever decided that this chilly weather is acceptable
is a doofus.

the past twelve hours have included:
white pizza, 
washington heights,
bagels/eggs/taters, 
j.s. bach with drum set accompaniment {??},
 a former new york attorney general {????????}, 
salsa dancing,
confusion,
and
steamed milk with almond {my new favvvvve}

the past twelve twenty-two and a half hours have not included:
sleep.
save for a few minutes when i accidentally closed my eyes mid almond-milk at the yaffa cafe on st. marks.


it seems natural,
that a donut shop should be sampled at the start of its day.
{because that's just when you're supposed to eat donuts}
and at around 3:30am,
when we happened to be in close proximity to
we made the wise/educated decision
 that it simply would have been pointless to scale the island,
only to have to turn right back around to get there for its 6:30 opening.

so we muscled through the wee morning hours,
 engaging in various appropriate shenanigans, 
and killing time til opening time.

this is real research, people.


 we arrived at 6:23.
danced in the cold. {wanna see my new salsa moves?}

...prob took some pictures we weren't supposed to...
...and then went to town when, 
at 6:30 on the dot,
we were allowed in to
the teensy aqua hole-in-the-wall
that is doughnut plant.
the choices were obvious:

peanut butter and jelly
yeast risen, jelly filled, peanut butter frosting, peanuts
blackberry 
yeast risen, blackberry jam filled, will beat up any other jelly donut
valrhona 
yeast risen, chocolate donut, chocolate glazed
sunflower
yeast risen, topped with seeds
tres leches
cake, white, filled with white stuff {grow up}, 
i don't know but it was definitely one of the best
blackout
cake, chocolate, more chocolate, more chocolate, etc

and we ravaged them,
as if we hadn't just had almost an entire white pizza ,
as if we hadn't just had an entire bagel/schmear schmorgesborg,
heck, 
as if we hadn't eaten for months. 

it reminded me of the great krispy kreme ravage of '99,
when mum picked me up from the 5th grade with a dozen,
and they were all gone in seconds {blame an epic growth spurt}.


and just when we thought donuts were going to start popping out of our pores,
the donut man gave us a gifty
{i love gifties}

the crème brulée donut.

do you remember this?
{the out-of-this-world crème brulée from artisanal that i had circa early february}

now,
imagine that between the cream,
and the turtle shell,
there is an ooey gooey
yeast-risen
donut.
"weeeeeeeeeee!!!" the sound of excitement and joy
it was such a diva.
complete with crackly shell, caramelized to perfection,
cream dripping down your arm,
my heavens, it was in a league of its own.


the remains created about one full donut,
that would still put any dunkin donut to shame.
what separated these donuts from others,
was the outrageous abundance of thick glaze
{i watched as gloved donutmen plunged them into huge buckets of ____}
and total moistness in both the yeast and the cake.

disappointing was that,
even though we were the first customers of the day,
the donuts we got had been made at some point way earlier in the night,
and were not hot or at their height of freshness.

can a sista get some hot-nows for neglecting sleep in order to get these thanggggs?

also disappointing was the absence of donut holes.
what will the munchkins eat?

also disappointing was that they only take cash.
but maybe that worked in my/my credit card's/my gut's favor.


rumor on the street is that,
in the holiday season,
they have a marzipan donut,
which i will definitely need to go back for...

but until then,
glorious friends,
i've got 39 more restaurants to try...

and a freaking nap to take.


xoxo


yeh


doughnut plant is on grand street between essex and norfolk in new york's sassy lower east side.
open tuesday-sunday 6:30-6:30
bills and coinz only.

week 12: sacred chow


my week-long trial period of near-veganism culminated last friday,
with a trip to 
in the west village

it was recommended to me by vegan friend justin,
whom i did not know was vegan until he turned down an offer
for a cookie bar made by mum
{and you must know that no one turns down jody's cookie bars}

so in our post-concert rush,
we taxied downtown 
with just enough time to place our dinner {and dessert} order
by closing time.



and the style was 
tapas
and our appetites were
big


here's a list of what we ordered,
and my thoughts about them 
{in twitter form, of course}

sacred caesar salad
taste simulation at it's highest.
are you sure there are no anchovies in this, justin?
yes, pumpkin, i'm sure.

sunflower lentil paté
tasty,
not too weird or grossly offensive,
but, alas, i've never had real paté so i don't know how this compared.

mama's soy meatballs
with sicilian sauce
delicious!
reminded me of the vegetarian meatballs that an ex's mom made,
and since i wouldn't dare ask her for the recipe,
these compensated quite well.

baby root vegetable latkes
like soggy waffles.
no one likes a soggy waffle.
and last i checked, "crispy" is a word that is indeed in the vegan dictionary.

sliced ginger soba noodles
with spicy peanut sauce
by far my fave. 
it's hard to mess up peanut noodles, i know,
but i was afraid of the word "soba" 
til i tried these.

indonesian roasted tempeh
contrary to what i predicted, 
i didn't run the other way screaming.
the texture was new,
kind of like paper maché,
but i think i'd like to try it again to give it a fair shot.

seitan.
seitan.
roasted black olive seitan.
there's a reason it's so close in spelling to satan.
kidding.
sort of.
i actually muscled through a whole piece of it thinking it was the meatballs.
and then the meatballs came out and i was like
oh no what did i just eat? that's such a terrible feeling.
 it tasted like that egg carton foam you put over your mattress. 
but edible, definitely edible.
sort of.

top to bottom: paté, tempeh, seitan

and for dessert:

brownie sundae
i didn't feel so guilty gobbling all of it up because
if it's vegan,
it must be healthy,
right?
please let that be right.
because i pretty much ate it all.
and i couldn't believe it was vegan.
 i was, after all, that bitch of a little sister when lactose-intolerant stoop had to eat soy dream.

...

anywho,
i really enjoyed my first vegan restaurant experience.
it was sort of like being on another planet...
most things were recognizable with their non-vegan counterpart,
but there were things, mostly textures, that distinguished them.
i mean, how close can one really get to simulating a chewy, still bleeding steak without a cow?

 but this new food world
is like discovering a new ethnic cuisine,
 it is so interesting,
that i just might extend my near-veganism
for kicks.
and because my jeans were looser this week.

i think i'll go back to sacred chow,
or try to incorporate more vegan things in the 40 restaurants that i have left...


xoxo


yeh


sacred chow is on sullivan street between west 3rd and bleecker in the village. 
sun-thu 11-10, fri&sat 11-11.


this week i...


-am detoxing from last week's 
schnitzel/superdawg/edzo's madness
 via becoming a near-vegan {still eating chickens}
-need more cheese in my life
-received two new mustards from a fabulous aunt and uncle
cranberry champagne
&
spicy hot

-ate a sandwich with 
black truffle mustard 
honey balsamic mustard 
{before receiving the new ones}
-became a twitter addict

-went outside without a jacket, sat in central park

-flossed every day {go me!}

-fell in wuv with edamame & pomegranate seeds
{not together}

...and did i mention i really need more cheese in my life?

may you all eat lots of cheese this week.


xoxo


yeh


p.s. are vegans not allowed to eat honey mustard?
that would be pooey.

who says it can't be green velvet cake?

{and other green goodies for a perfect st. pat}
it's true,
mum and i substituted red food coloring for green


...and then we got 
shamrock shakes

mum's was half chocolate!!


and then i admired some green dumplings from afar.


 spinach & shrimp dumplings didn't seem very appetizing.
but, boy, don't the look pretty??


happy st. patrick's day, everybody!!


xoxo


yeh