jewish and israeli food

where mustard belongs


this is a menu from a brat restaurant in hong kong.
notice how their are no mustards under "condiments,"
but rather they are in an elite little group 
under a separate title. 
oh boy this really cheers a girl up on a drizzly day.
...
i have been lacking in the mustard department of my life.
which is not as bad as, say, lacking in the family or the work
department. but everyone needs balance, you know?
my 94% vegetarianism has made a comeback since returning
from hk, and the 6% is strictly devoted to taste testing
soup dumplings for a story i am writing about them.
{i know, i lied when i said i was never going to eat dumplings
again. i am a dirty liar. there are 30 freshly made dumplings
in my kitchen right now.} and i'll be the first to admit that
dumplings and my lunches of brown rice and veggies are not
a mustard's best friend, unless it's the spicy chinese one.
...
and even before that, i found myself continuously returning
to the same mustard. i felt bad, like i was choosing a favorite
child. but it became a comfort mustard and i stuck with it.
i wonder what it means.
i think your girl needs mustard therapy.

-yeh 

freakout.


{schnitzel, last year}
halloween is but 18 days away, and i haven't got a clue what i'm going to be. verklempt is an understatement. it's time to get serious. here are options i'm considering {tell me if they're stupid or not}:
zenon, girl of the twenty first century i sort of just got rid of magenta spandex though. damn.
girl with the pearl earring 
stoop i've acquired enough of her clothings for it to be easy peasy. but probably no one would get it.
bill cunningham i mean i have the bike, camera, and blue jacket. but getting the bike into buildings might be a hassle.
a teddybear 
a turtle
a doofusbrain
violet beauregarde?
this is tough. good costumes in my life usually reflect something that i obsess over. schnitzel. a xylophone mallet. what do i obsess over now that i haven't yet dressed up as? my bike, satyagraha, the internet, caramel. i like aliens. how about that? mustard. maybe. it would have to be, like, cilantro absinthe manhattan rooftop honey mustard or something like that because being yellow mustard is about as common as being a power ranger when you're six. 
i wonder if mason jars come in adult human size. 
-yeh

timeless.


i have a favourite bar snack and it is the
cheese + onions + crackers {with mustard} 
at mcsorley's. there is something refreshing about onions when you're drinking dark beer, and *ohmygah* that mustard is by far the strongest mustard i have ever had. ever. ten times the hotness of amora, i'm serious. 
when i was 12 and experienced new york for the first time, with my dad, we stumbled upon mcsorley's. "oh hey, this is the place where all of my friends went after concerts... but i wasn't old enough so i was left out," he said, as he dragged me in to see the saw dust on the floor and old pictures on the wall.
and then last night after my cheese and crackers i thought: what if timedimension didn't exist? what if a 12-year-old me came teetering out of mcsorley's into that sunny october day to find present-day me standing on the curb and laughing with rob? would i say hi to the 22-year-old me, who by this time, having gone back to unwaxed eyebrows, minimal facepaint, and the same ponytail that i was wearing on that day ten years ago, would be absolutely unmistakeable? would the fact that 22-year-old me was in new york confuse me? why wasn't i in evanston or boston? why on earth does my bag say juilliard?
do you have any tattoos? she'd maybe say.
no, i'd answer.
is stoop married yet?
no.
why does your breath smell like that?
i--you--eat onions now.
what else do you eat now?
everything.
NO.
oh right, still no bananas or mushrooms.
what about spinach?
love it. 
*guffawwww* what is your job?
you'll find out.
do you ever go on a date with--
GO. you're about to experience zabar's for the first time. you'll love it.
bye, geezer
bye, doofus head.