recipe: ex-boyfriend latkes

a few years ago i dated a human whose legacy lives on in two tasty ways: his mom’s meatless meatballs and his dad’s latkes. his dad’s latkes were perfect. crispy on the outside, soft and flavorful on the inside. i remember being in shock when i first had them at his family’s annual hanukkah party because not even the best delis could make them this good. and since then i haven’t had the pleasure of post-break-up latkes {has anyone?}.

but then last week i decided that if i’m going to throw a kickass how the mensch stole christmas party, i need to make good latkes. so i sat and thought about ways to get the recipe. do i just try to shoot in the dark and try to recreate them? do i hope that a letter from ex-boyfriend magically arrives at my doorstep saying hey! no worries that you didn’t wish me a happy birthday for the third year in a row, but i thought you’d like my dad’s latke recipe!? do i straight up ask him? 

i asked twitter what to do

and secretly i hoped that maybe one of my twitter followers who knew my dating history would pass on the message and eliminate my needing to ask. but that didn’t happen.

so finally i just sucked it up and facebooked the man. i know, this is a really anticlimactic ending to a not-really-climactic story. the point is i got the recipe, a bit of jewish guilt, and THE BEST DAMNED LATKES I EVER DAMNED MADE. 

{now i wonder what kind of karma i have to acquire in order to get his mom’s meatless balls recipe.}

ex-boyfriend latkes! 

{makes about 18. and i’m going to eat five because i earned them.}

to be real, this recipe is simply based on ex-boyfriend's dad's recipe because he didn't have exact measurements.


5 medium russet potatoes

1 medium yellow onion

salt + pepper to taste {i use about 5 large pinches of salt}

the juice of 1 lemon

6 egg whites

1 c all-purpose flour

oil, for frying

apple sauce + sour cream, for serving


shred potatoes and onion using a food processor or mandoline. add salt and squeeze out as much moisture as you can by pouring them into a cheese cloth and squeezing over the sink. place in a large bowl, add pepper, lemon juice, egg whites, and flour. mix well.

heat about 1/4" oil in a large pan over medium high heat, and then scoop spoonfuls of mixture {i use an ice cream scoop} into the pan. flatten a bit with a spatula, and brown on both sides.

remove from the pan and pat off excess oil with paper towels. serve with apple sauce and sour cream.

roommate patrick did an instagram of me excitedly mandoline-ing:

come back for my next post, "pimp my latke," in which i put up photos of fun variations on the ex-boyfriend latke.