how to throw a rosh hashanah party

when but 1 1/2 of your guests are jewish
kneed bacon into the challah and wash it down with porkslap
or a spicy shiksa {one part gin + one part elderflower syrup + two parts manischevitz + a shake of tabasco + garnish with bacon}
don't be offended when no one eats the kugel...
be happy because it will make the perfect day-after breakfast.
there will be: "this is the first matzoh ball soup i've ever had,"
and: "this is the best matzoh ball soup i've ever had."
take very careful note of who said what, you will be pleasantly surprised.
leave the brussels sprouts and honey cake to the spatula queen,
and if rob brings candy corn, make a cocktail about it.
fresh ricotta + maple walnut gelato + creamed honey are a must.
so too is a brisket, especially if it nearly burns down the house.
when the guests get sleepy, that is your sign to start up the cotton candy machine.
and obviously, you should always end these things on the roof with a sweater, wonderfully silly people, a guitar, and the most beautiful music you ever did hear.
to 5773!