this is not a joke. it is national donut day.

it is as if someone combined all eight days of hannukah with boxing day and the day i first tried a pat lafrieda burger and my birthday into one. 
this is monumental.
this is the height of the summer.
this is going to be the best day ever.

free krispy kremes.
free donuts!!!!!
ohmygoodness i'm going to gain twelve pounds today.

in honor of this holiday, 
i'm gifting you a recipe.
it's for donuts
it's vegan
and it's what inspired the note on the fridge in above photo.

these donuts are
the best motherfucking donuts ever
that's the official name

loosely based on recipes by judith and evan jones and isa moskowitz,
edited/veganized/pulverized by friend frank

you will need:

...for the dough...
2 tablespoons "butter" (earth balance)
 1/2 cup "milk" (light coconut)
1 tablespoon active dry yeast
1/3 cup sugar (vegan-sans bone char, etc.)
1/4 cup warm water (c. 105 degrees)
2 1/4 cups white (unbleached) all purpose flower
1 "egg" slightly beaten (flax replacement)
1 teaspoon coarse salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
some peanut oil (for frying)
a bunch of confectioner's sugar (again, vegan)

...for the filling...
1/3 cup "butter" (earth balance)
1/3 cup non-hydro veggie shortening
1/3 cup "cream cheese" (tofutti)
1-1.5 cups confectioner's sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt 

you will do:

...for the filling...
in a bowl of indeterminate-yet appropriate-size, beat together "butter," "cheese," and shortening. add the sugar (in graduated segments) and continue to beat mercilessly for a liberal 10 minutes. until painfully fluffy. add vanilla and salt and beat somewhat less mercilessly for another single minute. add extra sugar, as needed, for a medium-firm texture. chill in ice box until needed. 

...for the dough...
boil, briefly, the "butter"+"milk" then let cool. in moderate-sized bowl, dissolve the yeast and 1 teaspoon of the sugar in the lukewarm water. once cooled, stir in the afore boiled "dairy" mixture. beat in flour, "egg," salt, and spices(!). this should, in all likelihood, produce a sticky yet manageable dough. turn out on to a lightly-floured work surface for one minute of vigorous kneading. place dough in recently-cleaned and greased bowl--to be covered with plastic wrap--until doubled in volume.

once risen, turn out dough to a lightly-floured work surface and roll out to 1/4 inch thickness. cut out 3-inch circles. place a heaping teaspoon of filling in the center of half of the cut circles. wet the rim with water and place an empty circle on top. seal both halves around edge using a fork. cover lightly with towel and let rise (take two) until doubled in size (again).

heat two inches of oil in cooking pan to 370 degrees. slip in donuts one at a time, but don't fry more than four at once. fry for two minutes on each side. place on paper towel-lined cookie sheet in warming oven. when all be done, sprinkle with confectioner's sugar. serve while warm. or, whenever.

stuff your face.

happy donut day everyone!!!