week 3: minetta tavern

i'm going to make this plain and simple: 

there's life before
black label burger
there's life after 
the minetta tavern 
black label burger

and in between that,
there's this little slice of heaven
where you don't exactly know how it's possible that a burger can taste this good,
but you know that it does,
and you know that it is the best burger you've ever had,
and you somehow know that it is the best burger you ever will have,
and you are very ok with that.

{you are also very ok with the $26 that you are dropping on it}

i've never decided that about a food before...
that not only is this the best thing i've ever had,
but it is also the best thing i ever will have.
...and here i am at the ripe old age of 20,
 at the climax of my burger eating career.

now, i've never been married before,
but i imagine that this is what finding "the right one" is like.
you know,
sure there are a zillion other men (or burgers)
out there that have yet to be dated (or tasted)
but if this was the last man (burger)
i ever dated (tasted)
i'd be fully satisfied with that.

and here's why i'm allowed to claim this as 
the best burger EVER:

1. he agrees,
he agrees, 
most of them agree,
my teacher agrees
 frank would agree if it weren't $26 (pshhh..),
and someone named the beef aficionado agrees.

2. the shell.
the best things have little shells...
-french fries
but have you ever met a burger with a shell??
with every little bite, 
there was a crunch!
not a burnt type of crunch,
but a completely satisfying and tasty crunch that added a whole new element!

3. the bun did exactly what a bun should do
it was a vehicle for the meat.
it complimented.
it absorbed.
it provided a little pillow. 
it did not try to steal the show.

in essence, 
the bun was the elenor roosevelt to the meat.

4. the burger did not need a single accouterment.
(by default, 
it is topped with grilled onions, but that's part of the package)
it's served with a tomato and lettuce slice,
but i'd argue that's just a formality.
no cheese.
and condiments?
nuh uh.

there are foods that are made to be friends with condiments
(pommes frites, 5napkin, heck- everything could use some mustard)
but even i felt uneasy about even so much as a spec of dijon!
normally for me it's like,
do you want some burger with your mustard?
there is just SO MUCH taste in this burger,
that it need not be covered up with
condiment shenanigans. 

5. the taste
i mean DUH.
but seriously.
you don't even know
you don't even know.

and the added bonuses:

the fries!
no fry has ever been crispy enough
or salty enough for me
{hence the usual mustard slatherage}
but these,
like the burger,
were perfect sans condiment.

the hefeweizen that washed it down

my waitress
a place with food as good as this can afford to have a-hole wait people
cause, i mean, i'd go back either way.
but miss wait was so very nice!

my walk home
approximately a hundred blocks (approximately five miles)
it made me feel fine about eating cows and fries for dinner
and i discovered,
that if you walk up town via the east side,
you completely bypass the sex shops.

now people, you hear me:
if you're ever in new york,
if you're not a vegetarian,
{even if you are*}
and get a black label burger.

oh how i want another one RIGHT NOW!! but ladies and gents, i've got 49 more restaurants to go!
{still... i'll probably go here again soon}



*"awesome. i'm saving this week's meat day for when i visit you. "
~pescetarian friend rob

minetta tavern is located on macdougal street in the west village