I'M 24.


24 is the new 4, they say, so i rang in my birthday last night by cheersing jaclyn, katie, and eggboy with a haribo gummy letter that had been dipped into steak n shake honey mustard and chased it with nacho cheese and a red velvet milkshake.

eggboy just gave me the most kickass necklace with charms of a pig and a cleaver and now we're off to the city to eat burgers and see how many birthday freebies we can find. (check out this handy list of free birthday shit i just found.) 

per tradition, i listened to the adagietto last night and looked into my imaginary reflecting pond to reflect on a wonderful wonderful year. i made a list of 23 things i learned at 23:

1. it's best to salt eggs at the end of their cooking process, otherwise they'll dry out. also, i read somewhere that scrambled eggs should be around the texture of dog slobber. 

2. not how to not bite my nails. one more year i'll give it.

3. more patience than i had at 22, i think.

4. the suburbs are, in fact, not as bad as that arcade fire album says it is.

5. it's dijon that's risen above the rest. a strongggg dijon that makes me think twice before putting on mascara in the morning.

6. a fantasy television show where people get stabbed and beheaded and brutally effed up is something i can actually tolerate and even crave. and i even turn a blind eye to all of the nightmares that it causes in the name of game of thrones is a really good show.

7. floss every day and it will not be regretted.

8. do not care for the boys who flirt with you. go for the boy who just wants to ride bikes and show you his scrambled egg skills and eight months down the road asks you what flirting is. 

9. vegetables should fill up half of your plate.

10. foam rollers.

11. how to pickle, how to season a cast iron pan, who ernest shackleton was.

12. pinterest is not so stupid.

13. there is such a thing as too much text over photos of dumplings with faces.

14. always have a can of chickpeas on hand. you never know when a guest will stop by in need of some roasted chickpeas or when an eggboy will have a hunger attack or when you'll have a hummus emergency.

15. subways really do suck.

16. "too many spring dresses" does exist.

17. beacon's closet rejects most of your clothes.

18. the importance of a poop candle. not for my poop, no way, i don't poop. but for guests.

19. icelandic ponies are stumpier and cuter than american ponies.

20. how to get an accordion player to come to brunch.

21. fake smiles look dumb.

22. leeks are delicious. 

23. the grass is greener where you grow it.

happy birthday to me! happy unbirthday to you (unless you're wagner or doug)!