all sealed up in my most favorite jar of memories are my tanglewood summers. summers that i spent admiring everyone around me, performing concerts that brought me to tears, running round barefoot in the berkshires, and spending all of my money eating at every single restaurant in little lenox. everything was new, caution wasn't totally in my vocabulary yet. time and again, wherever i go, i find myself trying to recreate the excitement and magic of those summers. 

slowly i'm learning that i'm not going to. not in that way. and that's exactly why those memories are so special.

{when i need it, i put on the adagietto and let the breath become sucked out of me as i watch teenage versions of craig, nathan, chris, and me dance in slow motion through the field by ozawa hall. that's about as close as i get.}


my past few days were spent in the berkshires, grabbing little bits out of my jar, and being so pathetically and wonderfully nostalgic. 

i ate a loebwich, my 2007 usual, the "leslie b no sprouts." i finished it with a raspberry jam cookie, the barely baked kind that i've only ever found at loeb's.

i drank a red bull because it was my beverage of choice in 2006, when whiskey was what the higher-ups would have called a grey box violation.

talked a lot of shop. shot the shit. received goosebumps in a percussion ensemble concert.

had a slice of betty's, a berkshire bagel, a bite of soco, and a dip in the stockbridge bowl.

fell prey to hundreds of mosquitos and embraced the inability for t-mobile to work properly anywhere in the vicinity.

i didn't want to leave, no way, i wanted to stay and continue the plunge into that mountain high that makes me so happy. 

alas, i've got a berlin-bound plane to catch.


midsummer manifesto

cat call to your daddy
sip beer from a straw
order whatever you want to bring us
wait hours for a hot dog that is topped with foie gras
stick your finger in your nose
the finger with the brand new rock on it*
eat seconds and thirds of the grilled pineapple
read the book you think makes you look sophisticated
leave the concert early to watch five episodes of girls
sneak into the jelly fish exhibit 
remove your elbows from the table
apply hot pink lipgloss
embrace grayscale
f punctuation in the a

*stoop got engaged

chicago summer::::that is a wrap

dubuque, between rests

1. dubuque does not look like this, this shot was taken en route from illinois because i have a thing for silos. dubuque is hilly and gorgeous and filled with cows. it is perfect for a really difficult run that prepares you for the amount of cheese in the average iowa partygoer diet; it is perfect for discovering a patch of ambition, dreaming up projects. the type of thing that city streets with honky taxis does not foster. 
2. & 3. host mum: molly, what do you like to eat?
me: anything but bananas, mushrooms, and seafood. i particularly love sampling local specialties.
host mum: oh, you know what you must try?
me: what must i try??
my head: local asparagus? corn? perhaps a pig from the farm down the road??
host mum: taco pizza from happy joe's!
so i ate the taco pizza. i enjoyed the taco pizza. i would totally eat again, that taco pizza. it is the answer to those times when i am eating a taco but am craving something doughy. taco stuff on pizza dough, get at that, rick bayless. 
4. {left} & 6. another dubuque specialty, mario's panzerotti. essentially a deep fried calzone. yummy, but easter island face inducing when i consider my poor tummy in the aftermath. 
4. {right} iowa people are boozy people in the best possible way. i began my days with whiskey in my coffee, ended them with all kinds of bubbly.
5. i caught a firefly on the summer solstice. 
7. so much talent, about to eat so much taco pizza.

iron & pinot

last year i discovered iron and wine and since then all i want to do is listen to that man on repeat tell me to please remember him and whisper his other no b.s. lyrics all honestly and calmly like he does. i want to be in his sound's world: barefoot on a candlelit porch in the woods, swaying and almost drunk. someone cover me with the pretty anthemic blanket.

over the weekend, jaclyn and luke and i had a little hummus and pinot picnic and then watched iron and wine perform at ravinia. it was absolutely lovely and beard-filled.