happy fifty seven seventy snake, everyone!

for the third time in six months a new year rolled around and you know what they say about the third time... something about it being dumpling-filled and noodle-y. so melissa and i enlisted an army of dumpling makers, black sesame ice cream experts, fortune writers {to write socially relevant fortunes}, and polaroid photogs to throw a snake-y soirĂ©e of the most non-snake-y because snakes freak the shit out of me. 

and it was so yummy and fun to get in touch with my chinese half and eat tons of noodles and put mochi in my cookies!


new year's resolutions!

in 2013, i resolve to...

not go on the internet so much. and spend time with my new hello kitty rice maker. and by that i mean i should focus on more rewarding things than retweets and friend requests, such as novels about circuses and chatting with my neighbors on my nonexistent stoop and learning how to use farro.

eat more vegetables. a very wise eggboy once had me entertain the idea of increasing my vegetable intake to one half of everything i eat. for one week i did that and it was the greatest most skinny jean-iest week of the year, and not in a deprived/i-need-cheese sort of way. so this year i would like to strengthen my relationship with the zucchini, the fennel, the carrot, you know, the colorful things from the ground. 

make a garden on my roof, invite chickens. shhhh, don't tell my landlord...

be a reliable human friend. in case one of my friends accidentally goes to jail or gets dumped or feeds his/her significant other undercooked poultry. i'd like to be there with a layer cake, you know?


how to throw a rosh hashanah party

when but 1 1/2 of your guests are jewish
kneed bacon into the challah and wash it down with porkslap
or a spicy shiksa {one part gin + one part elderflower syrup + two parts manischevitz + a shake of tabasco + garnish with bacon}
don't be offended when no one eats the kugel...
be happy because it will make the perfect day-after breakfast.
there will be: "this is the first matzoh ball soup i've ever had,"
and: "this is the best matzoh ball soup i've ever had."
take very careful note of who said what, you will be pleasantly surprised.
leave the brussels sprouts and honey cake to the spatula queen,
and if rob brings candy corn, make a cocktail about it.
fresh ricotta + maple walnut gelato + creamed honey are a must.
so too is a brisket, especially if it nearly burns down the house.
when the guests get sleepy, that is your sign to start up the cotton candy machine.
and obviously, you should always end these things on the roof with a sweater, wonderfully silly people, a guitar, and the most beautiful music you ever did hear.
to 5773! 

happy new year!!

"happy lunar new year, erryone!"
says one half of me.
the other half celebrated back in september,
and currently my two halves are battling over which new year was tastier.
oh is it close!
because we're basically talking apple donuts vs. dark chocolate sesame balls,
and pumpkin ice cream vs. orange black sesame ice cream.
alls i know is, i am on dumpling hangover after an amazing chinese new year party last night.
{quoth the invitation, "100+ dumplings"}
there were big dumplings and bigger dumplings and gooey ones and
sweet ones... there were ones i had never had before, and ones that got deformed, so by default we deep fried them.
oh it was great!
my favorite non-edible part was the company,
and how everyone had a dslr glued to their face.
it was camera dumpling shoptalk everywhere and i am unashamed to say i loved it.
p.s. who else is super excited that it's dragon year? i would totally have a pet dragon if i was a mermaid.