survival, day one


what i am eating this hurricane weekend is entirely homemade,
unless you count an end-of-the-world journey to korea town at around 4 in the saturday morning. 
{thighs + me @ kunjip, eating what could have been our last meal ever}
because when the subways are shut down, and it is simply too windy and unsafe to ride the molly mobile, why not stay inside all weekend and make shit?
for breakfast day one, i made two little breakfast sandwiches:
herby ricotta + cherry/bluebee/strawbee jam + rosemary
{and}
a slow poached farm egg + garlic butter
{atop}
whole wheat english muffins
english muffins are such a sad situation because i feel like for most people, the extent of their english muffin knowledge comes from those thomas' thingies. but if as much care was put into them as any other of their breakfast bread brethren, like say the bagel, english muffins could shine, too. sarabeth's and m. wells make yummy house-made ones, but nowhere can you sit by the stove waiting for a hot and doughy one to flip off the pan {save for your own kitchen}. these set the cooking standard extremely high for hurricane weekend. 
{recipes}
cherry/bluebee/strawbee jam{in a saucepan, simmerin} cherries + bluebees + strawbees + water + salt --> 1/2 cup sugar --> 1/2 cup sugar + lemon juice 
herby ricotta: heat whole milk + heavy cream to 180 degrees, add lemon juice, strain. add herbies.
slow poached farm egg: go to the market, get an egg, put it in 145 degree water for an hour. using your engineering skillz, don't let it touch the bottom of the pan.
garlic butter: shake up heavy cream until it separates, wash it, add crushed garlic.
english muffins: use alton brown's recipe and substitute 1/2 cup of all purpose flour for whole wheat flour. and don't fret if you don't have powdered milk, i substituted that and the hot water for 1 cup of hot milk.
 for a snackee, some dippy things were in order:
mustard lentil dip
{and}
chili mango jam
these were both inspired by trader joe's things. the lentil dip is because i wanted to make tj's masala lentil dip. but i don't have masala spices... and i do have mustard, you know. even though it's barf colored, it tastes reeeeally really good. and it is healthyful.
the chili mango jam was inspired by tj's chili spiced mangos, which are what i tell the friendly cashier to leave out of the shopping bag so that i can have a commute munchie {but actually on friday i didn't even get to the cashier before opening them because of the apocalyptic checkout line of people buying 100 jars of peanut butter}. both the jam and dip are good on crackers or muffins or... with a spoon, sitting on the couch, in your underpants. 
{recipes}
mustard lentil dip: lentils + water + tahini + honey & whiskey mustard + garlic dijon mustard + lemon juice + sugar + salt + pepper + cayenne + paprika + garlic --> blend {you can probably use any mustards... i recommend having one of them be dijon}
chili mango: {in a saucepan, simmerin} mango + water + salt --> sugar + cayenne + paprika --> more sugar + cayenne + paprika --> lemon juice --> blend
and for the dessert to my snackee {i hope that a lot of people do that}:
lemon rosemary cupcakes
i sort of donked these. they were an attempt at cupcaking this delicious lemon loaf that my mum makes {that, you would never know it, but is from one of those healthfood whatever cookbooks weight watchers extravaganza things}. but either i kept them in the oven too long, or the recipe is just not meant to be cupcaked... and they are all dry and sad pandas now. but, hey! isn't that plate pretty? i made it at camp.
dinner day one was, are you ready for this? 
homemade ramen! 
{hello, poached egg-u!}
lucky peach [issue 1] has a recipe for alkaline noodles where the first step is baking baking soda for an hour and then mixing a ton of it with flour and water. and what baking soda becomes after it's been baked is totally bizarre, make my mouth feel like i'm glad my roommate put that poison control hotline sticker on the fridge. i'm thinking maybe the amount in the recipe was wrong, or i'm just an alkaline noodle newbie. oh well. the texture was super great though. and they were placed in a soy saucey broth with squash and beet greens... and for garnish i added some of the really yummy seaweed that my korean ex-roomie left behind, chopped up jalapenos, and a slow poached 140ish degree egg. and the egg had a sriracha face. face!

anyways. i have officially slept through and survived the premature irene, my first hurricane. but all of my sunday plans are going to remain cancelled so that i can continue hurricane weekend food-making fest. stay tuned for survival, day two...

-yeh!!

becoming schnitzel.

a narrative d.i.y.

you will need: 
two yards of schnitzel colored fabric, half a yard of yellow fabric, as much green felt as the nice man at the fabric store will give you for free, some needles & thread, 
and either emotional stability or somebody on call for when you need emotional stability. 
clues:
1. cut two pieces of brown fabric into very large matching schnitzel shapes {being careful to include orbs!!}
if you would like to add sexiness, do it now: rip off a shoulder, cut the bottom too short, or create some curve-hugging sections.
2. sew one half together.
3. become frustrated and cry {a la halloween of '06, '02, and '99} 
tweet about it. call mommy. it's ok.
4. sew the other half together.
5. stuff a few socks with paper towels, sew them into the orbs.
sew on the outside of the orbs to create the effect of an extra crispy edge
 at this point you may elect to be a lump of clay or poop. 
6. make a lemon!
cut out a circle, fold it in half, sew most of it, stuff it, sew the rest, draw lemony lines.
7. sew the lemon onto your brown shape wherever you want.
 like this! but also, at this point you can elect to be a long island iced tea.
8. make parsley! 
you may want to google image search "parsley" 
so that you don't end up as a lemon-mint bloody mary or 
a weed-dealing piece of poop with lemon on it. 
and... tada!!
you are a schnitzel.
accoutrements to consider:
-bread crumbs applied with spray glue {not the best idea if you intend to pass your costume down to your future children}
-an empty grey poupon jar as a vestibule for whiskey mustard-colored punch
-a friend dressed as potato salad
-a truck that serves schnitzel as your vehicle
happy hallowiener everybody!!

xoxo

yeh